Monday, August 10, 2009
What can I do for my friend?
"I'm married to a robot!"
"He thinks emotions are illogical. I have to rationalize everything."
"He gets these interests and he just throws himself into them. If he isn't doing them, he doesn't know what to do with himself. Right now he's into running, but I feel like I've lost my husband to running. Running is his other woman."
"The closest we get to each other is sitting next to each other on the couch. He doesn't seem to understand that I want more than that! He thinks that's quality time together."
"He worked on our 15th anniversary! He knew it was our anniversary, but he said he thought we had agreed that he would take whatever other shifts he could. He couldn't understand why I wanted him to make an exception to the rules!"
"He's such a good husband and a good man. He doesn't drink or gamble. This is really not a big issue. Why does this bother me so much then? I don't understand how he thinks. It's been almost 18 years and I still don't understand my own husband! It's so hard!"
"He has a lot of trouble putting things into words. When he was younger, he was told he had a learning disability. He's a really smart guy, he just has trouble with explaining stuff. He's a doer, not a talker."
All the above were statements from a friend of mine, trying to make sense in her marriage.
Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking?
I've agreed with my husband to not disclose the difficulties we've had or my husband's diagnosis with anyone locally. The friend's self-esteem is shot and she's blaming herself for all the miscommunications and difficulties.
How can I be a good friend to her in these circumstances?